Thank you, probably Some Dude from Columbia!

So I have, for the longest time, been thinking about acquiring an Awesome Ironing Board. I've never got around to it, though, because it's a really boring thing to do, and it would also signal to the world and myself that I am indeed a total tool.

However! Today, as I was returning from a wee jog, I walked past this Columbia dorm, and this big pile of trash had accumulated, since they're all obviously moving out (this is finals week at Columbia.) So I was thinking with myself, huh, wouldn't it be awesome if I found an Awesome Ironing Board? And then, in a moment of cosmic bliss and heavenly fortune, the universe opened, time and space coalesced, a bright light shone, illuminating the world. The heavens roared, a void opened into another dimension, and there it was: WWAAAA! AN AWESOME IRONING BOARD! And it's brand new! And it's fucking HUGE! It was probably Some Dude from Columbia who left it there, so hey, thanks, probably Some Dude from Columbia!

To illustrate to you, dear readers, exactly how huge it is, allow me to demonstrate by putting the Awesome Ironing Board in scale with some random everyday objects!

Here is a cowboy hat, on the Awesome Ironing Board:


Here are some Elvis glasses, on the Awesome Ironing Board:


Here is a book of contemporary German grammar, on the Awesome Ironing Board:


And finally, here is the rest of those damn stupid sleeping pills - One of which kept me awake ALL FUCKING NIGHT on a flight from New York to Oslo. Note how only one is taken - on the Awesome Ironing Board:


So all in all, this has been a good day!