Vampiric fun with Ms. Nancy Awesome!
From: nancy_dawson13@yahoo.co.jp [mailto:nancy_dawson13@yahoo.co.jp]
___________________________________________________
Dear Panty Awesome,
Thank you for your kind letter and your very interesting business proposal! This sounds like a great opportunity, and I am more than happy to provide any assistance needed in this business transaction. Also, seeing your excellent math skills, YOU HAVE MY FULL TRUST.
I AM AN EXTREMELY WEALTHY MAN after brutally but happily torturing my silly wife to a horrible and extremely slow death and collecting the very large life insurance payout, and I WILL BE HAPPY TO PROVIDE ANY FUNDING NEEDED FOR THIS TRANSACTION TO BE COMPLETED.
Please, LET ME KNOW HOW TO PROCEED FROM HERE, so we can get to work IMMEDIATELY. TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE.
Best regards,
Mr. Paul Elizabeth Frankenfückler, M.D.
i want to talk with you for more informations.
Nancy.
Thank you for your wonderful message. I could give you my telephone number, but I prefer to have my business transactions done in writing. However, if you need to call, my number is +1 254 826 7473. (THOR'S NOTE: THIS NUMBER WAS THE ONLY NUMBER THAT CAME UP IF YOU SEARCH FOR "VAMPIRE" IN THE WHITE PAGES.)
Have you ever tasted human blood?
Best regards,
Paul Frankenfückler, M.P.3.
human blood??????, who are you?i want to know you.
Nancy,
I want to get to know you too! I like to have a personal relationship with the people I do business with! Tell me about yourself! How old are you? Where do you live? Do you have a cereal named after yourself?
I will tell you a little bit about myself! I am a single white male of indeterminable age, and I live by myself in a castle on top of a mountain in a mysterious and thunderstorm-prone area. I work night shifts, mostly, but I also like to have fun and entertain people in my home!
I am sorry, please forget what I said about human blood, it was a spelling error. What blood type are you? Are you by any chance A or AB? AB is sweet and nourishing, it has a smoky, tobacco-like flavor to it, with a slight citrus aftertaste, and is definitely my favorite! Please tell me what blood type you are, I would very much want to meet you. Are you in Japan? I can come to Japan very quickly to meet you and, well, have a drink, if you know what I mean.
I also posted a picture of myself, you should send a picture too!
However, BUSINESS FIRST! Please tell me HOW TO PROCEED TO GET THIS BUSINESS TRANSACTION STARTED. What kind of information do you need from me?
Best,
Paul Frankenfückler
_________________________________________________________From: nancy_dawson13@yahoo.co.jp
To: f_paul47@yahoo.com
Sent: Wednesday, July 2, 2008 7:52:51 PM
Subject: Nancy
My dearest delight, Paul,
Thanks for your comprehensive message,i now believe you can asist me,First and foremost introduction,i am from khaturm capital city of Dafor Sudan,but presently residing in Accra Ghana,i am 26 under graduate,level 200.university of kharturm sudan,the only child of Dr, Ahmed Dawson,my father met his untimely death as a result of unending political crises in my country Dafor,
He sustained bullets injury and was taken to near by town for treatment but after
few days he passed away,knowing he will not survive he reveal to me the deposit
and handed all documents relating to the deposit in Barclays bank Accra Ghana to me. Shortly, while i was in my college campus,the rebel strike again and kill my mother a good samaritan smuggled me out to COME and take refuge in Accra Ghana where my late father has deposited his funds for safety as a result of constant instability and chaios in our country,on my arrival to Ghana,i visited the bank to confirm the deposit and the account is intact, i have been staying in Ghana as a political refugee,my education has been abadon hence i want to relocate abroard and start a new peaceful life,i will most appreciete your loving kindness
if you could faithfully asist me to relocate with my inherited belonging.i stop so far ,
I attach my pictures for viewing pleasure,.
Respectfuly,
Nancy.
__________________________________________________From: Paul Frankenfückler
Sent: Thursday, July 3, 2008 2:30:42 PM
Subject: Re: Nancy
Dear Tasty Oyster,
Thanks for your mouth-watering and delicious pictures! You look very healthy and nutricious! I am adding a new picture too - it was family day at Coney Island, I just got off the rollercoaster! It was OK, but I felt the hotdogs there were a little, well, boring. I prefer to get my sustenance from other types of fluids, preferably, well, blood. Also, we're in the middle of re-decorating my home / castle / evil lair, and here's a picture of me trying out new beds in the local mortuary, for your viewing pleasuring.
But enough of that! I would love to help you, Nancy. You sound like such a sweet girl, and I will be happy to offer my assistance in contacting the Barclay's Bank. Just tell me how I should proceed, and I will do so right away! I really want to help you, and I will be happy to give you any and all information you might need.
What is your favorite type of explosion?
Hungrily yours,
Rush Limbaugh, a.k.a. Paul Elizabeth Frankenfückler, M.D.
____________________________________________________From: "nancy_dawson13@yahoo.co.jp" nancy_dawson13@yahoo.co.jp
To: f_paul47@yahoo.com
Sent: Thursday, July 3, 2008 6:16:09 PM
Subject: Re: Nancy
Hello My good friend,
I CAN NOT SEND MY ACCOUNT DETAILS IN
BARCLA YS BANK,BECAUSE YOU HAVE NOT SEND ME YOUR TRUE
PICTURE, THE PICTURE YOU HAVE SENT ME IS OF A DEAD ACTOR
CRISTOPHER LEE,
NANCY,
__________________________________________________
From: Paul Frankenfückler
Sent: Thursday, July 3, 2008 10:16:37 PM
Subject: Re: Nancy
Dear Nancy,
I'm so sorry, those were the wrong pictures! My son was pulling a silly prank on me, (he needs to help me with e-mail and such, I am much too old for this technology!) and uploaded the wrong pictures! The pictures are not of us! I am really sorry, please forgive me! Is there anything I can do for you to regain my trust? I am attaching a picture of our family from Christmas last year instead.
Please do not doubt my honesty and intentions to help you, I deeply feel your pain and wish to help you in your time of incredible need!
Best regards,
Paul
P.S. Do you know your blood type? I'm just wondering, from a medical perspective.
From: nancy_dawson13@yahoo.co.jp
Sent: Friday, July 4, 2008 4:14:51 PM
Subject: Nancy
Dear Father Paul,
Thanks for your apology to me,please think of God and understand my plight as an orphan,
I here send the required information,my statment of account and bank contact,please your truthful and loving attention
needed,i also need a draft agreement from you to guide us ,
BARCLAYS BANK ,
HIGH STREET BRANCH,
P O BOX GP 69,
ACCRA GHANA.
Foreign remittance dept,
Maxwell, Akofi.
Tel 00233 242542742.
Nancy.
____________________________________________________________
Sent: Saturday, July 5, 2008 10:49:22 AM
Subject: Re: Nancy
Dear Nancy,
I so appreciate your forgiveness! I also received the statement, but you need to tell me exactly what to do with it! Should I send the statement to the bank? Please let me know so we can get this tranny action going as quickly as possible!
Also, as an apology for the earlier incident, I would like to introduce you to one of my hobbies, namely bird watching! (I have other hobbies, such as stamp collecting, hiking and torture, but my favorite thing to do is amateur ornithology!)
I am attaching a couple of my most interesting wildlife photographs, for your viewing pleasure! I have always been interested in birds, they are truly the most majestic and erotic creatures I can imagine, except from you, of course.
Please be in touch as soon as possible, as time is of the essence!
Faithfully yours,
Paul F. a.k.a. Mr. Donkey Bonker.
______________________________________________________From: nancy_dawson13@yahoo.co.jp
Subject: Re: Nancy
Dear Brother,
Thanks,
I have given you the banks contacts,but i do not know who
and where you are,However God BLESS you,
Nancy,
_____________________________________________________
From: Paul Frankenfückler
Sent: Sunday, July 6, 2008 11:11:45 PM
Subject: Re: Nancy
Dear Spanky,
I'm attaching my address, I hope this helps!
Paul Elizabeth Frankenfückler, M.D.
56 Rusty Trombone Drive, Apt. 5W
Reacharound, CL 11919
USA
Frankly, I am feeling frustrated by this! I AM READY and WILLING TO HELP YOU, but I DON'T KNOW HOW! You need to tell me what to do, or else I cannot help you! Please! HOW WILL OUR BUSINESS PROCEED FROM HERE?
Also, I want to inform you that since my family is part Transilvanian, part Finnish, it is customary, and indeed expected, for me to have a sauna with all my business contacts before we conclude our business arrangements. However, since you are so far away, we will have to do this in a different way.
I hope you can send a picture of yourself in the sauna, and I will do the same thing right now. I yearn to see you soon!
I hope to hear from you very very soon my friend!
Yours truly,
Paulieboy!
__________________________________________________________From: Paul Frankenfückler
Sent: Tuesday, July 8, 2008 8:19:30 AM
Subject: Dr. Ahmed Awesome .. CA-CHING!
Mr. Maxwell House Coffee
Foreign remittance manager Barclays Bank,
Tel 00233 242524742,
High street branch,
Accra Ghana.
Dear Mr. Max Coffee,
I am e-mailing you today to your extremely official-sounding e-mail address to express my mourning regarding the mildly inconvenient loss of my obese business partner and tender lover, Dr. Ahmed Awesome. He died a while ago by spontaneous combustion, a fate so dignified and hilarious amid its fiery horror.
Now that he is dead and buried and all, however, I think it's only fair that I get all his money, we were after all lovers, and he called me his "favorite little shaft-stroker". Ah yes, we spent many a night motorboating, and it brings a tear to my eye and a gag to my throat thinking of all the nights we spent giving each other Tony Danzas. It was his favorite!
By the powers vested in me by bravely stroking his swollen, pestilent shaft, I hereby claim USD 55.500.000 from his estate. A cashier's check or money order made payable to the name and address below would be appreciated, but I would also accept a gift card at Mickey D. Your speedy action is appreciated!
Please let me know what further information you might need, and let's get this party started, aight!
Sincerely, truthfully Yours,
Paul Elizabeth Frankenfückler, M.D.
56 Rusty Trombone Drive, Apt. 5W
Reacharound, CL 11919
USA
P.S. Have you ever been tickled by a French person? I recommend it!
posted by Thor at 8:58 AM
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