Oh that's just great! Border patrol Q & A

Problem: One of the richer countries in the world is experiencing an influx of illegal immigrants from one of the poorer countries in the world after a series of failed trade agreements.

Solution: Just add .. Trigger-happy vigilantes?


In aptly named Tombstone, Arizona, 450 volunteers gathered Friday for a month-long effort to patrol the Mexican border for illegal immigrants and smugglers. According to the AP, "Some law enforcement authorities and others fear this could lead to vigilante violence."

Oh really? Why would they fear that? Oh I don't know, perhaps because "..Many volunteers were recruited over the Internet and some plan to be armed"?

In fact, this bunch of merry men is going to spend a month out in the Arizona wilderness to report any suspected illegal activities and to do random live target practice on Mexicans in search of a better future.

Q: Do they have Police Training? A: No.

Q: Do they have language Training? A: No.

Q: Do they have any tiny little bit of cultural or political training? A: Are you kidding? No.

Q: Do they really have any training at all, even K-12? A: Probably not.

Q: Damn, is there at least some kind of a minimum screening process? A: Actually, No. Well, they need access to internet. That would efficiently and securely screen out the weirdest people. (?)

Q: Do the have Cowboy hats? A: Yes.

Q: Do they have Guns? A: Hells Yeah!

Q: Is this a Good idea? A: MmmmmmNo.


Of course, no issue is too small or too disgusting to call for some post 9-11 hero rhetoric: Said Colorado Republican Rep. Tom Tancredo, a supporter of tougher border enforcement, "You are not vigilantes, you are heroes." Proving the point that all you need to be a hero in this country is a gun, and random foreigners to shoot it at.

The other way this brave effort by random and violent Arizonans is legitimized is of course by playing the terrorism card (..and by the way, have you noticed how this card trumps pretty much every single other card in the stack these days?) These illegal immigrants are apparently smuggling Al-Qaida into the U.S. (or at least the closest Mexican counterpart El-Qaida). In addition, they're smuggling guns across the border for random terrorists, with Al-Qaida and Al-Jazeera as the usual top suspects.

Who the fuck would smuggle guns into the U.S.? That would be like smuggling Sand to Sahara or smuggling ... Well, ..Guns to the U.S.! What the Hell! This country is literally awash in guns, the state of Montana alone has more handguns than all the rest of the world put together! And by the way, it's not even like the people on the terrorism watch list can't buy guns absolutely legally! And why all the fuss about these people smuggling guns anyway! Guns don't kill people!


So here's to the 2005 cowboy, the source of and solution to all of America's little problems.