Does Alien Mind Control ruin your Memorial Day Weekend? Make a bold fashion statement with the Thought Screen Helmet!

Do little green men annoy you by reading your mind? Are identity thieves from beyond the heavens causing nausea, itching and irritation? The problem of Alien Mind Control is both unpleasant and inconvenient, but there is an answer to all your thought protection needs! There is an answer.

And the answer, of course, is the Thought Screen Helmet. Everyone knows that the Aliens are telepathic, and can thus read whatever stuff you may be thinking about, and can also influence what you think about, in a process called Alien Mind Control (AMC - yeah, they also operate through movie theatres and a lame movie channel).

Based on the idea that thoughts somehow don't make it through a material called Velostat, the creator of http://www.stopabductions.com/ - a website that takes a firm stand against the rapidly increasing problem of AMC - offers easy instructions on making a thought screen helmet. For your own sake, and for the sake of your mind, make a damn thought screen helmet, I tell ya!

Are you still doubting? Then please read this touching personal message from this fine and stylish gentleman:

"Since trying Michael Menkin's Helmet, I have not been bothered by alien mind control. Now my thoughts are my own. I have achieved meaningful work and am contributing to society. My life is better than ever before. Thank you for the work you are doing to save all humanity."

Be careful, however, you need to closely follow directions:

"The thought screen helmet has effectively stopped several types of aliens from abducting or controlling humans. Only two failures from standard thought screen helmets have been reported since 1998. A third failure in 2005 was from a cloth helmet with a smaller square area of Velostat and a Velcro strap which was easily removed by an alien hybrid. "

This is officially why I love America.