Is that a vibrator in your pocket or are you just hungry?

So, the other night, we went to Olive Garden at Times Square in New York. We were hungry and we were cold after a long - and really fucking cold - day. We went in to the restaurant, and got the little vibrating restaurant pager thingy, that shakes and lights up and makes sounds to indicate that your table is ready.

So we were sitting there, and the thing started shaking, lighting up and making sounds. Stupid as we were, we thought that meant that dinner was ready.

Hoh no.

"Oh, that's just to show you what the shaking, lighting up and sounds looks and sounds like," said the troglodyte waitress. "Your table will be ready in 15 minutes."

So as a service to you, my dear readers, I now present you with a translation of what the different sounds and imagery of a restaurant pager means.

Shaking, Sound and Light: Dinner is served
Shaking, Sound and Light for a nanosecond shorter: Dinner is not served, but soon.
Shaking, Sound and No Light: A horse is watching you from a distance.
Shaking, No Sound and Light: A cat sat on the mat.
Shaking, No Sound and No Light: Matt shat on Pat. A cat is watching from a distance.
No Shaking, No sound and No Light: Something else.