Preakness (The most ridiculous party in human history) UPDATED!

So last weekend, I went to see my good friend Robbie in Baltimore, for what later turned out to be the most ridiculous party ever. (Note my funky horse drawing on the (surprisingly sturdy) cooler that Robbie bought.)

Frank's shades were super ridiculous.

The Preakness is a horse race, a part of the Triple Crown of prestige horse races (the others being Belmont and the Kentucky Derby) in the U.S. Which sounds kind of uninteresting, but when you then add 121,000 (!) people, drunk as sea captains from 9 a.m. to 6 p.m., the result becomes a very long and interesting day.

It all started early on Saturday morning (or actually, for me and Robbie, it started on Friday night, when we got our asses kicked badly in beer pong.) We joined some med-school friends of Robbie and rented a school bus to take us out to the horse game.

This is the school bus. Shots were being taken and spirits were high (and plentiful). It's the third time in my life I've ever taken a school bus, and I am proud to say that none of these instances involved a short bus, so there!

We probably got to the place at around 9 a.m., but by that time, the inside of the oval was already incredibly full with incredibly drunk people, just sitting around and/or flashing people. It was the most bizarre thing.

Robbie and Thor, the most awesome pair of roommates in the history of mankind.

We found a really nice and comparatively secluded little spot..


..where we could actually see the horses...

..and which was conveniently located in close proximity to the longest rows of port-a-potties ever witnessed by man.

There we hung out with Robbie's med-school friends, while Robbie himself worked on his Karate routine.. Observe my awesome Texas t-shirt.

..And, well, we chugged a lot. I seriously felt like I was back in college, and it was a strange and slightly disturbing feeling, but dammit, it was fun! Chug, my friend. Chug indeed.

At some point though, this whole thing just spiraled out of control into this massive drunken slutfest of blatant moral decay and disregard for any human dignity. My favorite moment was when Robbie peed about 10 feet away from a cop, who looked on with only the mildest of interest. I am not going to post my pictures of that here, but rest assured, it was a moment to behold, and we shall cherish it in our hearts for the rest of our lives.

Wait, I take that back: Actually, my favorite moment was this guy, clearly too drunk to express anything verbally, who wore a cardboard box (!) on which he had written that most subtle of mating calls: "Show us your tits!"

Wait, nevermind, my favorite moment was this girl who just squatted on the ground to pee.

No WAIT! My absolute favorite moment of the 2007 Preakness was this guy:

He, apparently, has a cardboard box on his head, and spent like 15 minutes just dancing around in front of this soldier dude, while his fratboy/redneck friend stood by him, knowingly, while emptying his bladder.

It was so weird.
I know what the soldier thought: "This might just be the future President of the United States of America."


So yeah, a gay old time! I am just so glad I did not have to clean up after the people, who left behind things such as kiddie pools (for cooling beers), coolers (for swimming, I guess), and various inflatable items.

But yeah, thanks for having me, Robbie, and I'm totally game for coming back next year!