If you have like five hours off... then read this post, it's MORE FACTS ABOUT CHUCK NORRIS!

It's back by popular demand! And again, I didn't seriously write all this shit. But it's still damn funny!

1) Chuck Norris is the reason Bruce Lee is dead.
2) It was once said that Chuck Norris betrayed Jesus. When asked about it, he said, "Why would i betray myself?" He then placed his penis in 11 women at once, laughing now he telled, "I'm Gay!"
3) Chuck Norris doesn't see the color red, he hears it.
4) Chuck Norris is the source of all light. The sun gets it power through energy created when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks anything.
5) Instead of seeking immediate medical attention, Chuck Norris recently roundhoused his own dick after a sustained four hour erection.
6) Chuck Norris can burp the alphabet. Backwards.
7) Chuck Norris had a medical procedure to remove his vestigial tail to increase the velocity of his roundhouse kicks. NASA then used the removed bone to make a special drill for pulverizing moon rocks.
8) It is said that Chuck Norris has been known to snap a man in half by just looking at him.
9) Chuck Norris once fell to the Dark Side after being tempted by the promise of power and an additional four inches to the size of his penis. He reverted back to his normal size after force-choking his manager, girlfriend and a long heart to heart talk with his bastard son, Hidden Chuck Jr.
10) Chuck Norris was sent to the principal's office in fourth grade for roundhouse kicking his teacher to death... while bench pressing 5,000 lbs. and making fun of the foreign kid.
11) Chuck Norris helped the Egyptians construct the pyramids using a primitive form of the Total Body Gym exercise machine to lift giant stone blocks up great heights.
12) If Chuck Norris went deaf, he could still hear everything you say.
13) Chuck Norris smells like Jesus Christ.
14) Chuck Norris has publicy admitted to having a threesome with the Olsen twins.
15) Chuck Norris invented Jesus. He thought it would be give him a little breathing room.
16) Only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires.
17) People love wine country but Chuck Norris prefers scotch country.
18) Chuck Norris was originally casted to play the part of Urkel on Family Matters. He got fired before the show hit the air because he would keep telling "fried chicken" jokes.
19) Every fatality in Mortal Kombat is a maneuver Chuck Norris used to kill a punkass
20) Chuck Norris puts AOL and Slipknot CDs together in a blender to make a drink so potent it'll make you shit rusty nails.
21) Chuck Norris' beard can read braille.
22) When Chuck Norris was asked by a fan whether he was a cyborg, because only cyborgs can be as strong and as incredibly good looking as him, Chuck Norris quickly cut off the fan's entire body with his laser beam eyes.
23) Chuck Norris was the fifth Beatle, the tenth member of the Fellowship of the Ring, and wrote the Bible. Of course we don't know this because Chuck Norris, being the humble soul he is, roundhouse kicked all knowledge of this out of existence.
24) Chuck Norris once handed a woman in a bar a shot-glass of his semen mixed with two teaspoons of cinnamon.
25) Chuck Norris does not buy his beef in the store. No, he goes into a pasture and starts eating a cow alive while it is grazing.
26) Chuck Norris will only have sex with women who agree to do it on his bed of nails. Needless to say, it is the best sex they will ever have.
27) Chuck Norris once killed a man by shoving his fist up the man's anus. This gave Jim Henson a great idea.
28) It took five women 2 years to give birth to Chuck Norris
29) Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
30) Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
31) Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
32) A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
33) Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
34) Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
35) Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
36) Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
37) To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
38) Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.
39) Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
40) When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
41) Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
42) Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
43) Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger, it is actually a list of people that Chuck Norris round house kicked in the face that day
44) Chuck Norris once decided to make a vibrator that would simulate the size and power of his actual penis. The result was a baseball bat tied to a jackhammer.
45) Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
46) When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
47) One time in an airport a guy accidently called Chuck Norris "Chick Norris". He explained it was an honest mistake and apologized profusely. Chuck accepted his apology and politley signed an autograph. Nine months later, the guy's wife gave birth to a bearded baby. The guy knew exactly what had happened, and blames nobody but himself.
48) There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
49) Chuck Norris coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he ate every last unicorn in existence.
50) Chuck Norris doesn't believe in rubber condoms. Instead, he sticks his penis in a girl, and uses that girl as a condom while fucking another.
51) Chuck Norris played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.
52) The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked himself in the face.
53) Tornados are not caused by sudden changes in weather, but rather, a sudden roundhouse by Chuck Norris
54) Chuck Norris is the father of the Bush twins, the Olsen twins, and Lindsay Lohan, of whom he is very very dissappointed.
55) If you rub Chuck Norris' beard it will grant you three wishes, only the third wish always involves you having butt sex with Norris.
56) When Chuck Norris passes Go, he collects $400.00
57) The only cure for AIDS is a RHK to the face from Chuck Norris. There is a higher survival rate for AIDS.
58) Chuck Norris wipes with 40 grit sand paper.
59) Chuck Norris started the Arbys fast food chain. This was the only was to deal with his ravenous roast beef sandwich cravings.
60) Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Jackie Chan in a game of chess. When Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Chan in the side of the face.
61) When Chuck Norris was denied a McGriddle at McDonalds because it was 10:35, He roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
62) On the sixth day God created Chuck Norris.
63) Chuck Norris coined the term "69" when he made a girl orgasm 69 times by rubbing his beard against her buttcheek.
64) Chuck Norris got banned from the state of Florida after he roundhouse kicked a dolphin at Seaworld.
65) Chuck Norris has been hired by the state of Louisiana to roundhouse kick hurricanes away from the state for the next decade.
66) Chuck Norris once ate 9 bullets and they lodged in one of his massive chocolate loafs. We now call that chocolate loaf 50 Cent
67) Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
68) Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard in the face, they ceased to exist. This of course was never documented, because Chuck Norris then proceeded to roundhouse kick everyone within the vicinity out of existance as well. He then later wrote a book about it, a book that we now refer to as "The Bible."
69) Chuck Norris is such a man that every pair of his pants require a third leg.
70) Chuck Norris once bitch slapped Prince Charles because he thought the prince was such a "foppish pansy".
71) After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".
74) Chuck Norris went into a hospital. When they asked him what was wrong, Norris replied "I've got disco fever," and then he killed eight paramedics.
75) The story of Beowulf is actually an autobiography of Chuck Norris. The original ending included numerous roundhouse kicks to the dragon's testicles and was so intense that readers' heads would explode. He then released the current, lesser version so his greatness could at least be partially appreciated by mortals.
76) In one episode of Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Chuck Norris replaced Carlton for one scene and nobody noticed.
77) Chuck Norris is accurate to within 1 second in a million years.
78) Chuck Norris has a lever next to his desk which, when pulled, plays a random Conan O'Brian clip.
79) Chuck Norris can ejaculate through solid steel.
80) The unseen gold thing in the briefcase in "Pulp Fiction" was a picture of Chuck Norris's penis. Samuel L. Jackson's reluctance to give up the case is what makes him a Bad Mother Fucker, not his wallet.
81) Chuck Norris can arm-pit fart without using his hands.
82) When Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicks people, they do not die of blunt trauma or tissue damage. They simply lose the will to live.
83) Time stops for no man, but it does for Chuck Norris when he meditates, or takes a dump.
84) Chuck's normal breakfast consists of nails in gasoline. If he is out of nails he has broken glass in antifreeze.
85) Chuck Norris does give a hoot, but he will still pollute if he feels like it. If you dissagree he will kill you.
86) Chuck Norris won the triple crown last year for the first time since 1978. He needed no horse.
87) While serving in Vietnam, Chuck Norris's diet consisted of trail mix made from the testicles of enemy soldiers. He also threw in a handful of roasted almonds to build muscle.
88) Similar to a Russian Nesting Doll, if you were to break Chuck Norris open you would find another Chuck Norris inside, only smaller and angrier.
89) Watching a Chuck Norris movie will make your testicles grow 12%. And this actually happens with females too.
90) The LA riots where not caused by the Rodney King verdict, they were actually started when Chuck Norris let the "N" word slip after a waiter accidentally put cucumber in his salad.
91) One time, Chuck Norris was eating at a diner. And when some dude dropped a spoon, Chuck Norris killed the whole town.
92) Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks himself in the groin to get off. When that doesn't work, he kicks someone else in the groin.
93) When Chuck Norris was born, his parents sent a group of miners into the depths of Africa to find a diamond pure enough to cut his beard. They are still searching.
94) Chuck Norris doesn't have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the shit out of viruses. That's why Chuck Norris never gets ill.
95) Chuck Norris wears bio-enginered ranglers that don't rip when he kicks.
96) Chuck Norris can drink a gallon of milk and poop whole sticks of butter.
97) Chuck Norris is the only one ever in history to stare Medusa straight in the eyes and not be turned to stone. The result was Roseanne Bar.
98) The sound of Chuck Norris scratching his beard makes angels weep.
99) Chuck Norris is the only person who can build a flux capaciter. He says the secret will die with him for safety's sake.
100) Chuck Norris knows how complicated your circulatory system is.
101) Chuck Norris trims his beard with a chainsaw.
102) Chuck Norris can make your nose bleed with his mind.
103) While walking on water in the Pacific Ocean, Chuck Norris ran into his friend Katrina, and she tried to seduce him. Chuck was not pleased about this, so he round house kicked her into New Orleans.
104) Even if Chuck Norris did cry the tears wouldn't be made of salt water, but rather bullets for his .45.
105) Chuck Norris can see in 564657578123 dimensions but only three colors.
106) People are known to describe Chuck Norris in mulitple action words, so when people ask him to describe himself in one word, He simply said "verb."
107) If Chuck Norris looks at you and even THINKS about Jesus, you are immediately converted to Christianity.
108) One time a 7-11 ran out of Slurpee straws. Chuck Norris was on the scene and asked for a Slurpee straw with the little spoon on the end. The employee said, "Just take a Big Gulp one." Chuck Norris sawed him in half with his nipples.
109) Chuck Norris once bent the space-time continuum with a swift roundhouse kick to John Kerry's chin.
110) Chuck Norris' testicles are actually a roller coaster.
111) Everytime Chuck Norris eats a crippled or retarded child here in the U.S., a baby is born in China. That explains China's extremely large population.
112) chuck norris once melted a hole into the earth and killed 50,000 people in doing so using only his manliness, just to prove he could.
113) Every time you masturbate, Chuck Norris punches a Mexican baby in the face.
114) On the weekends Chuck's favorite pastime happens to be going to retirement homes. Not to help out, but in fact to swallow the souls of the old. This is the reason why he has stayed at the physical age of 55 for the past 213 years.
116) If you count the number of individual spermatozoa your testes will produce in your lifetime, it's still less that the number of women that have achieved orgasm by running their hands through Chuck Norris's chest hair.
117) Chuck Norris masturbates with a brillo pad. Afterward, he donates the remains to the Maxi corporation for special contest giveaways.
118) Chuck Norris's semen can form into a liquid human - like the guy from "Terminator 2"
119) Chuck Norris makes burglar alarms out of aluminum foil.
120) Chuck Norris's dick is so big, it has its own Dick. And Chuck Norris's Dick's dick is bigger than your dick.
121) Chuck Norris made a sequel to Pretty Woman, in which he repeatedly roundhouse kicks Julia Roberts in the face for 90 minutes. He ends with the line "Not so pretty now, are ya BEEEEYATCH!!!"
122) Chuck Norris invented Halloween and Pants, yet he refuses to wear pants on Halloween
123) Chuck Norris can piss into gale force winds.
124) Chuck Norris once ate a van-load full of 13th degree black belts and shat out Steven Seagal.
125) Chuck Norris managed to storm the beaches of Normandy in 1944, armed with only a potato peeler, and single handedly disemboweled over 5,000 German Nazi Soldiers.
126) Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a bloke called Adam so hard that he was sent back in time, whereupon Adam impregnated a girl called Eve, thus demonstrating how Chuck Norris was responsible for the creation of the human race.
127) Chuck Norris invented margarine by singlehandedly spitting and ejaculating at the same time. Popular imitations are secretly known as "I Can't Beleive It's Not Chuck Norris".
128) Chuck Norris is actually the love child of Willie Nelson and an mystical ninja mummy.
129) Chuck Norris can throw a perfect spiral on a slant pattern with both hands tied behind his back.
130) Chuck Norris carved Mt. Rushmore by himself with his teeth. It took him thirty seconds.
131) One time Chuck Norris was pulled over by a police officer for doing 200 mph in a 25 mph school zone. Officer Mr. Clean has never been heard from since.
132) Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter. And he'll roundhouse kick your ass if you say otherwise.
133) In times of great peril, Chuck Norris can be used as a Class 3 Personal Flotation Device.
134) Chuck Norris has 92 chromosomes rather than the normal 46, meaning he is scientifically twice as good as any other human in existence.
135) Chuck Norris filmed all 202 episodes of Walker: Texas Ranger in a day. However, this is not actually an achievement of Norris', all the episodes were actually assembled using the same 15 minutes of Chuck Norris footage.
136) Chuck Norris' sperm cells are soo big they can eat a small horse.
137) One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.
138) Chuck Norris has a checking account at a blood bank.
139) In Aztec, "Chuck Norris" loosely translates to "He who kicks with reckless abandon."
140) Chuck Norris wears boxers made of concertina wire so he doesn't have to walk around scratching his nuts in public.
141) Chuck Norris jogs with a fridge on his back.
142) If Chuck Norris looks you in the eye, you will explode.
143) Chuck Norris flew around the world in 3 hours 10 minutes on a paper airplane.
145) Unlike milk, Chuck Norris does not do a body good.
146) George W. Bush wanted to nominate Chuck Norris for Supreme Court Chief Justice but the Separation of Powers called for by the Constitution doesn't allow that if the person is already this country's main Instrument of Justice.
147) A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
148) Chuck Norris's friends once threw him a surprise birthday party. Unfortunately, when Chuck Norris unexpectedly saw all those people in his house, his mind involuntarily went into "defense/kill" mode. Chuck Norris lost many dear friends that day.
149) Chuck Norris' buddy icon is a picture of Tony Danza fellating himself.
150) Chuck Norris has to use the "withdrawal" method of birth control, not to avoid pregnancy, but because his load is so powerful is always kills the woman.
151) Chuck Norris doesn't put his pants on one leg at a time. He roundhouse kicks into them.
152) Chuck Norris can mathematically make two wrongs equal a right.
153) Chuck Norris does not walk; he moves the ground.
154) Chuck Norris once showed me a video of him making love to my wife, and it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw!
155) Ever wonder why the toilet doors are always busted in public restrooms? They got in the way of Chuck Norris taking a shit, that's why.
156) When Chuck Norris dies, he goes to a special division of heaven, where everyone who has taken Norris' name in vain also resides, so he can singlehandedly beat them down.
157) Chuck Norris took 3 of every animal on his ark. Then he called Noah a pussy and roundhoused kicked a Minotaur.
158) Chuck Norris does not just eat babies, he roundhouse kicks them until they taste good.
159) Chuck Norris doesn't masturbate his penis, his penis masturbates him.
160) In the beginning of time, everyone was actually man until Chuck Norris got bored and roundhouse kicked penises off and shaped them into vaginas.
161) All techno music is based on the different beats of Chuck Norris's heart.
162) One time, a bartender thought it would be funny to ask Chuck Norris if he would like a "Woodchuck Cider." Chuck Norris then punched his head clean off, exclaiming "Cider is a pussy drink."
163) Nothing can kill the Grimace... but Chuck Norris can.
164) Although he has received no credit, Chuck Norris invented all weapons known to man in order to give the armies of the world a chance against his insurmountable martial arts prowess.
165) Chuck Norris once killed a man by shoving his fist up the man's anus. This gave Jim Henson a great idea.
166) Chuck Norris tought everyone in Texas karate, so it would look cooler when he kicked their ass on TV.
167) Chuck Norris is the reason staples come stuck together in semi-long rows
168) Chuck Norris is single-handedly responsible for the creation of every sexual-education video in history.
169) Chuck Norris' nuts are so big, they house several U.S. military bases. This is because the U.S. feels the need for Chuck to protect it's military.
170) Chuck Norris coined the phrase "With great power comes great responsibility," upon his successful creation of the roundhouse kick. The first person he used it on was Stan Lee for copyright infringement in the early issues of Spiderman.
171) Chuck Norris' beard hit .370 in the minors before hurting its knee.
172) Chuck Norris eats fire and then poops out pure gold.
173) Chuck Norris was the first person to tame a dinosaur.
174) Chuck Norris is the only person alive to have successfully outwitted Sccoby Doo and the Mystery Machine.
175) Chuck Norris vomits Pepto Bismal.
176) If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
177) Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
177) Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips from "Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan's wife.
178) It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.
179) Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made
180) Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
181) Chuck Norris once blinded 100 people at the same time by having them stare at his nipples.
182) Every time Chuck Norris flexes, someone dies.
183) The Shot Heard 'Round the World was actually Chuck Norris cracking his knuckle. Upon learning that he had spawned a war, he took on the moniker "George Washington" and proceeded to roundhouse kick his way into history
184) Everytime Chuck Norris eats a crippled or retarded child here in the U.S., a baby is born in China. That explains China's extremely large population.
185) Contrary to popular belief, it was not Moses who freed the Israelites from Egypt. It was in fact Chuck Norris who delivered a sanctimonious roundhouse kick to the Red Sea, parting it for hours.
186) Planets Jupiter and Saturn actually belong to Chuck Norris. Those are his testicles.
187) Chuck Norris once punched a guy so hard, the guy's mom felt it.
188) Once a man from Thailand called Chuck Norris gay. Upset, Chuck Norris summoned a fart which caused the Tsunami. The exact second the Tsunnami hit Chuck smiled and yelled, "Who's gay now?"
189) Chuck Norris once fought God. Who won? People are still trying to find God, and Chuck Norris is on a perpetual worldwide victory lap.
190) In his spare time, Chuck Norris breeds thoroughbred horses by manually inseminating the females with his own semen.
191) Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
192) Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.
193) When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is Courage?" Chuck Norris received an "A+" for writing only the words "Chuck Norris" and promptly turning in the paper.
194) When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris
195) Whenever Chuck Norris hears the "Numa-numa" song, he roundhouse-kicks the closest fat kid.
196) An entire episode of Walker, Texas Ranger was shot with the lens cap on. This made no difference, however, because the light emanating from Chuck Norris' beard permeated the plastic cap and allowed the camera to see Chuck in all his glory.
197) Bigfoot is a piece of Chuck Norris' beard that gained sentience and escaped
198) Chuck Norris once played a game of strip poker with Loki. Loki, however, cheated and won, leaving Chuck standing naked before him, which caused the god to lust after his outstanding body figure. Chuck then said, "I see that twinkle in your eyes," and kicked Loki in the nuts.
199) Chuck Norris knows all the numbers of pi, but will only share them if he can be beaten in hand-to-hand combat. This is why we have supercomputers trying to figure it out instead.
200) Chuck Norris is the only person to ever beat Kobayashi in a hot dog eating contest. Chuck Norris won by picking up the whole table of hot dogs and eating them all in one bite, leaving none for his competition. To help the hot dogs go down easier, he ate the 400 pound fat guy next to him. Chuck Norris was then banned from eating hot dogs or fat people ever again.
201) If you count the number of individual spermatozoa your testes will produce in your lifetime, it's still less that the number of women that have achieved orgasm by running their hands through Chuck Norris's chest hair.
202) Contrary to popular belief, pixels are not little squares, but tinted pictures of Chuck Norris.
203) The Civil War was stopped by Chuck Norris. Thats why so many people died.
204) Once Chuck Norris accidently had some viagra in 1998; he still has the same erection now.
205) Chuck Norris, a priest, and a rabbi walked into a bar. They both got their asses roundhouse kicked.
206) When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
207) Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
212) The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
214) Chuck Norris lives by only one rule: No fat Chicks.
215) Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
216) A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.